And I Don't Know Why...

So little time

Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same

Ah, to everyone who doesnt know, that would be a Keane song. If you dont know who Keane is... you should get to hear them soon.

>>Big post because it's been such a long time since my last. :)

So many moods at the same time. Good news, bad news... that has been my life since I last posted. April 24, my parents bought me a used acura something to replace my over-heating mazda. On that wednesday someone backed into it. I wasnt in it, so it was a little funnier. My great grandmother died several weeks ago, she was hooked onto a bunch of machines so i'm glad she's at rest now, even though her death was pretty gruesome. School is ending, that's good. I wont be able to see a lot of people for awhile, and i'm going to miss them, but i'm glad i'll have some space between some people. And it brings me to a thought I've had in my head for awhile...

In the world, some people bring me shame in the fact that we are of the same species. It's a great challenge to slander the name of a being that is as low as we are. People can be so stupid sometimes... just so careless when it comes to dealing with others and their emotions. It almost seems as though they go about living their lives feeding on the discomfort and destruction of others emotions. And it makes me sick. To top it off, there are many times when I have ignored my emotions to laughed at jokes to be agreeable and "accepted". And like-wise there are times when I have ingnored my feelings to make others laugh and just feel a private sting of truthful discomfort.

"I'm such an incredibly, stupidly sensitive person that everything that happens to me, I experience it really intensely. I feel everything very deeply."
-Fiona Apple

I think this quote describes me very well. Pretty much anyone [or anyone who i talk privately to] could tell you that I have a lot of emotions and I experience each of them in such short periods of time. My emotions are kind of like a fireworks display, there are big bursts and then they fade followed by other bigger bursts and then those fade, etc. I can see how people don't like those that live like that. For the most part I run off my emotions, it's how I process information, how I respond to other people and what they say. Yeah, sometimes it hurts, i sometimes take things literally even when i laugh. ...

It's like they say, "truth is often spoken in jest." How do i know when you are joking and when you're really trying to convey something you don't like about be?