some flowers just bloom dead...

Now in another world
I could learn to forget
But 'til then I'm here
making room for new regrets
Now some flowers they never bloom
And some flowers just bloom dead

Fall break was great, and i cant really describe it in words so i suggest you just look at the pictures i uploaded onto facebook. (i'm glad I got to see a couple of faces that really made me laugh)

What I am about to say is something that i wish to shout from the mountain tops, but because tuscaloosa's mountainous areas are just too much to handle, how about here and now:

DONT ASK, "HOW ARE YOU?" IF YOU DO NOT REALLY WANT AN ANSWER!*
*(in this case, caps lock really does mean i'm shouting)

Lately people have been throwing it into conversations as though it doesnt mean anything, and leaving me about to pour my soul out to them. i find it to be very misleading and leaves me confused when people will say,"how are you, JP?" and immediately walk away in fluid motion.

honestly, it's makin me wonder who really cares, or even basically, "does anyone care?" You may be thinking that it would be easy to come up with an answer... but i'm still trying to figure it out. it makes me sad, sometimes i think people generally care... but i'm growing more and more cynical because you don't.

if you dont mean it, dont even bring it up.

Now, you may just reply back and say, "JP, "how are you" has become an expression similarly used like a common "hello," you are over reacting." or as many of you have already pointed out, "JP, you are being emo..."
and then i'm going to follow that up by having to back hand slap you.

oh yeah and these whole "leave a memory" notes are getting very annoying.

i'm feeling lost inside the low...

If you have been keeping up with me at all since last year, one thing that you may know about me is that though i have a few passions, i really have no clue what i want to do with my life. More importantly, i dont know what God wants me to do with my life.

really i just pray it's not a regular office job, because i might just go insane

so on my mind and heart has been missions... now, if you have read my entry from Oct 5, you might know that i'm just afraid that i may not be ready and that i feel under qualified to be a missionary or involved with missions at all. (Side note: dont worry if you havent read it, cause i'm just going to take a stab at it and say that 95% of my friends dont read my blog)

I Thessalonians 5:24, "The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it."

this I Thessalonian verse was read at the Well, a week ago (i think). anyways, ive really been giving this verse a lot of thought. because i think the problem really is that i may be a little too selfish because here i am afraid that i may go on a summer mission trip and mess everything up. But what i'm forgetting is that God is in control. He may be calling me to do missions, but whether or not i think i'm ready is not the point... the point is that He will use me and He will do it. i just need to give everything to God, because He's gonna use whatever happens to His glory.

if you tarry till you're better you will never come at all (Hymn: Come, Ye Sinners, Poor and Needy)

I pray so that He can help guide me into the path He wants me to go and so i can become the Christ-follower He wants me to be. He may or may not want me in missions, He may have something even better planned... i dont know the answer for that right now... but i'm going to ask you to pray for me too... or just keep me in mind... it would be encouraging to know there are people thinking of me and also investing a little time (even if it's a simple prayer) to help me and keep me accountable along God's path.

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A few blog notes: I added a blog radio on the right column, feel free to leave a note to suggest a song to add or just enjoy the music i've already put on there. All the songs are full songs, so if after a few seconds, if it just stops and moves on to the next song, it probably means you have a slow internet connection and it cant keep up with the song. so what you should do then is wait a few seconds and then reclick the selected song for it to play. Sorry if it doesnt work correctly...

one sweet day, you're gonna drown in my lost pain...

Remind me to never stay up all night to then go to class early in the morning... i mean i guess the brightside is that i now i have a vague idea of what it's like to be sleep deprived. You see, because of my foolish procrastination I found myself staying up writing a prep speech outline on "Drugs in Rave Culture," as well as an english research paper, " Video Game Violence," and then studying for a test that I had the class after those two obstacles.

My public speaking was a sinch. My teacher was sick so we ended class after about 20-30 minutes of class. I turned in my outline and things were all good.

Right before going into my english class, Caroline reminded me that we had to have three copies of our paper so with 15 minutes to spare i scrambled to find the nearest copy machine. It ends up that the closest one was at Gorgas Library; for some reason it makes sense in my mind to have a copy machine in the English department... but i guess that's out of my hands. We did peer reviews and things were all good.

I ate lunch with Keith, Brett, Molly, and co. This was about the time that my sleep deprivation had started to become an ailment. Everything had been fine until... my head started to hurt like i was getting a headache... but not quite a headache... it was more or less just uncomfortable... then I started to feel nauseated. My stomach was curling in itself as though my abdomen had become a manual butter churner... (you know, one of those old wooden inventions from the colonial days?) it sucked. But i went to the SUPe store and bought my test booklets and headed to class. I started to wonder if I threw up during my test if they'd let me retake it. hah... but I get to class to find out my teacher has moved the test over a week. ... are you kidding me? would it have hurt to let the students know? maybe if i had known that i didnt have a test i would get an inkling of sleep. but, no.

jerk.

oh, well.

so i meant to go to the BCM today... but I kinda fell into a little nap and woke up about 30min after it finished so ... oops. I meant to introduce myself to a few people that i see all the time. but i guess it's okay that i didnt. as i say, "let's try to not burden the masses..." ok so i may not actually say that often or at all... but doesnt make it any less true.

Next week, thursday/friday, fall break.
i'm going home. 3 people may come with.
(nice dream)

outscreaming these lies...

hi reader,

how's the world treating you these days?

if good, go to A.
if bad, go to B.

A: well i suppose some of us better be...

B: it happens... but maybe you'll once you get past it things will probably amazing! Go pray or read the Bible... just not ecclesiastes...

You know lately, God has really been trying to speak to me... no matter whether I'm at church, life groups, BCM. Everything that's said has normally been relevant to either what i've been thinking of or a conversation i've had with someone... it's pretty cool. I've been really thinking of missions lately but i dont really know if i'm ready or not, you know? like i feel as though i need to go and take some test to see if i'm qualified... i dont think there is one... but it would be easier if there was one...

I've been meeting a lot of seemingly friendly people recently... i say "seemingly" cause i really dont know them yet and i'm hoping they are not just "fair-weather" friends... Some are really good Christians and I want to share with them but i'm just kinda waiting for an opportunity. but i dont know... if history proves to be anything... we probably wont be friends... or atleast not for very long...

20 years of sleep,
before we sleep
forever