simple kind of life...

Now all those simple things are simply too complicated for my life
How'd I get so faithful to my freedom?
A selfish kind of life
When all I ever wanted was the simple things
A simple kind of life

This semester is almost over. I should be more honest- it's already over for me. As embarrassing as it is to say, I withdrew from the semester. every class. I jumped ship. You dont know the feeling, the embarrassment I feel when people ask me, "are you ready for your exams?" or "Good luck on your finals!" The embarrassment that comes when I tell them, "I withdrew." Who knows what they are thinking of me? That i'm a failure? That i'm lazy? They may be right, however i'm still ashamed. They dont know what i'm going through, the thoughts that have been cycling my mind, the pressure, the lack of motivation. Even if they say they do, I'll them not to belittle my experiences. My parents are pushing me to figure what I want to do, and at time trying to decide for me... all the while, different people telling me how good i am at different things and how i should pursue them. People are trapping me in the eye of storming ideas, a cyclone and i'm stuck in the middle. yes, i've prayed, and prayed, and prayed for direction. but I still have no idea. Lord God, what do I need to be doing?!?! It's frustrating - i'll look foolish... because i'm a failure in all eyes.

I've met some of my best friends this semester, people like Zach, Barrett, Josh, and Jordan... they're all such great friends, they have so much going on but they always get them done. I hope they come visit me when I'm home... they're going to be what i'll miss about Tuscaloosa. Though I do miss my friends from home, these guys have really made an impression on me. I look at them and I think that God sent them for me, so that I can see them and say maybe there is hope for me too. I dont look to the famous for inspiration, I'd rather look at the unpolished. I look at them and think, "maybe i'm not a failure." my actions prove otherwise... but i'm trying.