what's written on my heart...

Flyleaf just keeps on surprising me. They have so many different versions of their songs that it just makes me happy. One of my favorite songs by them is "I'm So Sick" and normally when I play the album version of this song for people and I tell them that this is a Christian band people always get kinda confused and ask, "Should a Christian be saying they feel worthless, hopeless, and sick?"

Well on 3/31/06 at Off The Wagon, Lacey Mosely prefaced this song by saying,

"I don't know if any of you guys have noticed but sometimes this world can be a sick and messed up place. I dont know what kind of home you grew up in but there are a lot of people who grow up in sick and messed up homes. There was a girl on the internet i was talking to the other day and her name, her screenname is "My friends are God's apology for my family." I thought that was really sad but it's true and that's the whole point is that, you know, just because you grow up in a sick and messed up place you can recognize it's messed up and you can change it and you can break the cycle and that is what this song is about..."

and Flyleaf Online's FAQ quotes Lacey on the radio saying,

"I'm So Sick is about how the world can sometimes be a sick and messed up place and how that influences us and tells us how we should live or who we should be. People do things just 'cause everyone else does and then they wonder why they feel empty all the time. Someone who has a firm stance in what they know to be true will empower empty followers to discover who they are as individuals with purposes and this creates leaders with voices of their own."

You can listen to the Flyleaf album version on the radio.blog in the right hand column by clicking on the song. There are a few changes between the album version and the EP version. Instead of " You sink into my clothes (album)" it's "You sink into my thoughts (EP)" there are also some other changes but on the EP version there are Two stanzas that are not in the album version at all... but here's the lyrics to I'm So Sick on the Flyleaf EP:

I'm So Sick

I will break
Into your thoughts
With what's written on my heart
I will break

You broke into my thoughts
This invasion makes me feel
Worthless, hopeless, sick
I'm so sick

If you want
More of this
We can push out, sell out, die out
So you'll shut up
And stay sleeping
With my screaming in your itching ears

I'm so sick
Infected with
Where I live
Let me live without this
Empty bliss, selfishness
Let me live

Hear it
I'm screaming it
You're heeding to it now

You broke into my thoughts
This invasion makes me feel
Worthless, hopeless, sick
I'm so sick

I'm so sick
Infected with
Where I live
Let me live without this
Empty bliss, selfishness
Let me live

I reveal
What you steal from
All of us
We take it back
We take it back

You broke into my thoughts
This invasion makes me feel
Worthless, hopeless, sick
I'm so sick

But I heal
With this story always working
Constant purpose
But I heal
I won't compromise and I heal

Well by listening or reading either version of the song, you can see the general message is the same. The world is such a sick place that it even creeps into our thoughts. It changes the way we think we should behave or dress, the way we perceive others, the way we perceive ourselves, what we think we need, what it means to be successful, everything. Personally, I know that most of the time the world has effected the way I think about myself. I think I need to please everyone and when I'm dont, I get angry at myself and I get sad that i'm not "better" or like this or that other person. That's something that I struggle with majorly. So when I hear this song I get happy because someone knows what I've felt. I realize what the world has done to me and how i've let it get to me and how sick I feel when I understand that.

Now, there is one major difference in the Album vs. EP versions. The EP version has these two awesome stanzas in there that give a little bit more hope than the Album version does. Particularly the second of the two stanzas, which ends the song, says something awesome,

But I heal
With this story always working
Constant purpose
But I heal
I won't compromise and I heal

So, I may be "worthless, hopeless, sick" but I'm getting better. I'm not going to compromise what I know is true, what I believe and I'm going to get better.

All of this reminds me of a few verses one in particular John 16:33

33"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

You might also want to look at 1 John 5:1-12. Verse 5 says,

5Who is it that overcomes the world? Only he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God.

So now what? Well listen to people, and if you find someone who's really getting caught up in the world, Christian or not, or maybe they're feeling overwhelmed, hopless, or tired of it all... love them. It's like that song we sing at the Well sometimes, Light of the World, let King Jesus "Shine, breathe, live through us" Share and spread God's love and mercy like we have all been shown. And one of my favorite verses from all time:

12Speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the law that gives freedom, 13because judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgment!
James 2:12-13

Know that I'll be praying for you, whoever reads this, that the world doesnt bring you down and that you find hope in Christ Jesus who has overcome this sick place we live in and that you can rise above it also.