I wander the halls along the walls...

Bad days, good days, never in between. If you are asking, today was a good day and ended with a great night. I got a somewhat date, I dont know if you would call it a date, but with me and my complete lack of experience, I think it resembles a date or atleast that's what the movies tell me. (If you could give it to me, it's atleast a mini-date.) I got to drink the coffee and watch Donnie Darko with some of my close friends. Tonight, I realized that I hate when I talk, because it feels as though I'm not really saying anything. Sometimes I will speak, and my perspective only seems to read puzzled or discontented glares. I suck at life, apparently.

To be honest, I am afraid. No, not of the date, of losing and being lost. Like I said, I was with close friends, I've said that a few times before in my not-so-happy past... and what happened those times? A few reading should know, that's assuming people will read this... for the rest of you, I have lost friends, one chose an addiction over me, the other left me because I was me (I suck at life, apparently.) And then I have lost some in between, mainly my fault, because I havent given proper attention to those who need it. Anyways, I am afraid. I am afraid that I am going to lose the friends I feel I've gotten close to.

When I get close, when I feel the most comfortable, that's when it ends. That's when it always has ended.

I dont want that to happen. not again, please God I ask of you.
I am afraid of going back to the way things were, many of you do not know... many of you would not be able to guess, and some of you would probably be sickened or pity me by it. Depression follows me and through my smile, i'm probably crying inside.

If you read this and wonder, ask me about my past, I will tell you, probably... but if i answer you, please dont go.